Finally...having a FAMILY :)

Time flies when you have hands full, in this case our little guy keeping my hands full.
It is now nearly 3 months since I gave birth to our Sisu. Days are just flying by and we have fun. It is constant learning and getting deeper into the new life as stay-at-home mother. I think by now I am actually getting pretty good at this :)

Since I gave birth I cannot say that I would have had 2 days being exactly the same. Each day has been different, offering new experiences.
I have a long list of topics and thoughts that I want to write about but those have to wait for that moment, when I have hands free, day's tasks done, nobody wanting anything from me...and I am not too tired to write (LOL!). Post by post those thoughts will find their way to here, I promise that.

Multitasking has a whole new meaning

To me being a mother is a privilege, a big one. Since I was 20, I knew I wanted to have a family. Along the way it did not always look though like that will become reality. In between I made peace with it and thought life with or without family, both is okay.  I did not feel bad about it then, as life happens when the time is right. In the meanwhile I focused on my career, moved around the globe, had fun with friends. Later on enjoyed being the aunt-on-steroids, i.e. the back-up parent to my nephews and being the fun-aunt to my god-daughters.

My god-daughters were the first babies in my circle of friends....now they are 12 years old. Who gave them the permission to grow so fast? My best friends were giving (without knowing it) great examples about being a mother.

My nephews, those two little boys were in my mind and in my heart, where ever I traveled. They were the major game changer. After their birth, all I wanted was to have a family of my own. Being their aunt has been amazing and great adventure from day 1 of their lives....but at the same I realized I was having a whole in my life which needed to be filled with my own kids.

Every time I went to see my nephews (which was pretty frequent despite my travel) they were surprised with souvenirs from all over Europe, China, Kenya, Russia, US, etc.  They still remember most of the cool stuff I even got excited about and we would play together with those. We also played a game, which I originally made up for one of my god-daughters; flying to different countries on the living room couch. The couch being the airplane and where ever we went, once we got out of the plane, one should do the greetings in the local language. Later on we flew to space...as traveling around the world was yesterday's news :)

I was allowed to manage the boys as if they were my own, including discipline. I got to see really skin close what it is to have two boys and what it is to be their mother, including the challenging days.

Now it is time for me to enjoy that amazing adventure; motherhood, in person. I have applied lot of the great tips & tricks learned from my best friends and my sister-in-law (aka "wife") but of course put my own personal touch to it.

Over the Christmas I was happy beyond words, my brother and his family came over here. Means we had the whole family together, my husband's side of family and mine.

I enjoyed so much the opportunity to get to spend quality time with my nephews. It was nice to see that as a new mother, the bond to the nephews just grew stronger.  They took my and their uncle's attention equally eagerly as always, yet they wanted to give their attention to their baby cousin as well.

What made my heart to jump out of joy was to see the bond between the cousins. My nephews and our Sisu were a team from first moment, despite the age difference of 5 and 7 years.  My nephews were eager to be the pacifier guards and look after their baby cousin. In the car one of them wanted to always sit next to Sisu, keeping him company and observing the baby cousin. It was just too cute to watch. Those 2 little boys will play a very important role in Sisu's life. They will ultimately be the idols for him and motivation to learn Finnish language & culture. Children learn from each other much faster than from adults ;)

What can I say...I finally have my family and it feels awesome!

Trick and major treat...Halloween labor

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Personal lessons learned from this pregnancy

As the body has slowly started to show subtle signs of preparing for the delivery, I wanted to take the time and cherish the journey so far.

One of my favorite motto, which I have taken from my brother:" What does not kill you only makes you stronger". I am aware to be "exceptionally strong person" (as my husband describes me) thanks to all the challenges in life and how they have shaped me. Yet, the whole getting pregnant, miscarriage and going through the pregnancy has made me stronger in a different way. It has opened also whole new aspects of life to me and it has changed me.

Going through miscarriage and getting back on one's feet after that, is an experience that made me and my husband bond on a whole new level. I know now that because of that experience we will be a better team as a couple and as parents going forward.

The whole pregnancy experience so far has also helped to me to start realizing how my "project plans" or our plans are not necessarily schedule wise in sync with the time table which the universe & mother nature have for us. It has made me to humbly accept that having control over life is a pure illusion, which one tends to lull in until the greater powers remind one of the reality. I have not only gotten to understand but to feel the old wisdom (loosely translated from Finnish):" Things will fall into the their places when the time is right for that."

I have always tried to settle the accounts with my life events in the way of not having regrets afterwards, no matter what has happened. Taking full responsibility of my doings but at the same not being afraid to live. Something I learned from my mother. I have been through lot of "scheiski" and challenges in life. Yet, today I stand even more behind it than before: I would not change a thing, not even the miscarriage.
I now understand that each one of those events and getting through them has prepared me well to take on motherhood. With a calm mind and heart full of love I am ready for the journey as a mother.

It made me happy that at all times during the pregnancy, despite all the bumps on the road, I found the strength in me to get myself up, make the best out of the situation. I managed to stay positive and move on...instead of dwelling in "why me?", letting gloom & doom take me over. It reminded me also what an amazing amount of strength one has within, if one chooses to take it on. Nobody ever said life would be easy but it is definitely worth living and making best of every moment.

Easier path would have naturally been (quoting one of my best friends): to throw oneself to the floor and have a temper tantrum or vanish into the dark corners feel sorry for myself and complain how shitty the it all has been. I chose not to take that path. I believe that everything happens for a reason but it is in our hands if we ever find the reason and make the best of the event or moment, which one is going through.

I learned a lot from this, as did my husband. He grew during this journey so much as well. He made also the transformation from career focused person to a father-to-be and to a great caretaker. He stepped up to take on everything from cooking to running the household. Kitchen became suddenly "his kitchen" and I was not allowed in it (I am writing this with a loving smile on my face). We grew a lot as a couple too. We have a high respect to each other and we know that we really are a team...us against the rest of the world.

From one day to another my life changed from very independent, exercise filled and career focused perfectionist's life to....couch & bed rest for 10 weeks. Yep, perfect recipe to get totally depressed and feel unimportant, insignificant, imprisoned, etc. Except, if one chooses not to ;)

During the couch & bed rest time I was able to clear my mind of heart, charge myself with the positive energy to find the reason. I understood that only this way I was able to transform myself from the career focused perfectionist to one, that is happy to take on the life time role as a mother and feels very ready for it. I was able to shift focus and change priorities in a pleasant time frame.  Perfectionism took a step back and I learned that I was again able to settle the account of my life events and be happy, thankful and proud of my journey so far. At the same time happily letting go of few strings, and not feel loss or regret of doing so.

I did not get the pregnancy I had dreamed about but I got to go through the pregnancy I needed.
I learned to be humble and thankful for even becoming pregnant. I was able to open my heart and mind to the spiritual side of pregnancy, cherishing the bonding with Sisu a lot already during the pregnancy. I am happy to have been able to carry him this far against all odds. I am also thankful that he has not given up on me or on us. This pregnancy offered few of those occasions, where it was not self explanatory that all will go well till the end.

I have been a rascal, a Tom-boy, taking risks and lived the life to the full. Especially during my adult life going from one adventure to another. Yet this pregnancy has been by far the best experience and adventure in life I have had. At the same I know that this is just a start to the parenthood and all the adventures that come with that.

I am also with a calm mind about the fact that I will not be a perfect mother and will make many mistakes. Yet I feel as ready as one only can be. With the way me and my husband take on the parenthood will most likely raise eyebrows or trigger people to offer advice to us, which we choose to ignore. Thanks to this journey I can only smile and say:" You bow to one direction, at the same you show your behind to the other."
That is pretty much what parenthood will be. Which is why I am so happy to have had the chance to go through my personal transformation and feel confident about myself as a mother, including all the mistakes I will be making. As long as the most important puzzle piece is in place, unconditional love and wanting to do the right thing, everything else will be fine.

I am thankful that Sisu chose us to be his parents.
Though me and my husband laugh that we do hope Sisu knew what kind of crazy parents he chose :)

Very much looking forward to the adventures ahead and at the same enjoying as much as I can right here and right now. I will miss my lovely bump :)

Wk 36 - Signs are in the air

Funny how the mind works and what an impact it has to the body.

I have all along decided and told Sisu as well, that after the doctor's visit on week 36 we can start preparing our adventure day.

Well, my husband and myself hardly got back home from the doctor's office as the signs started kicking in! :) It felt also like Sisu started having his farewell party in the belly, he was very active whole Tuesday afternoon. He must have heard when the doctor said that it seems like Sisu is ready from physical perspective and for the remaining weeks following up that he moves on regular basis is important.

Based on the information gathered, once the mucus plug is out it means that within 1-2 weeks one is going into labor. Now that the signs are in the air....one starts of course a whole new mental battle.

Previously it has been all about relaxing and having the mind set to keep the baby in as long as possible. Now the eagerness of meeting the little guy is definitely kicking in.

So, the week went by trying to make a good mixture of resting well but keeping myself busy. Apart from few nights I have been able to sleep well, luckily.  Also cannot complain having uncomfortable feeling or pains. 

On Monday I was able to trick my husband to extend our walk :) He kept suggesting that at some point we turn around but I insisted taking the slightly longer route and keeping going. We walked 9 kilometers! It felt so good! I did my walk as a Nordic Walk (Finnish invention), means with walking poles made specially for the purpose. If you haven't tried it yet....I can only recommend! Great also outside pregnancy. During pregnancy it helps to keep the posture straight and work the upper body at the same while walking. Increases also support, which allows one to go on uneven terrain easier than during a normal walk.

Sisu has been head down for a while already. Related to that the only occasional reminder I get of him being out of space are his kicks, which result to soreness over the left rib cage. 

On Saturday we joined my American parents for a musical. Sisu definitely likes music :) He was active throughout the musical. Doing his own moves. It was at times hard to focus on the musical itself and its artistic depth...as the little guy kept me amused with his own choreography.

I was told that low air pressure may trigger labor, e.g. during hurricane or tropical storms. Sisu did not seem to be too bothered about the storm Patricia's remains, which arrived to Houston on Saturday afternoon. Mainly just lot of rain. Great reason to take it easy on Sunday.

So...we wait....and we wait.... :)

Wk 35 - Preparations in many ways (Read: Nesting)

Though one cannot be 100% prepared for what is to come, preparation is still in place. This week was all about doing the final preparations for Sisu's arrival. Final preparation = nesting symptoms kicked in :)

I am very certain that we missed something, but oh well. We will find it out along the way :) 

Poor husband got to come with me to Ikea to get a dresser for the baby gear and clothes. Easier to try to keep things organized and faster at reach. 

I also cooked an interesting soup :), a pacifier soup. Sisu will get to try then how the outcome of the soup tastes.

I furthermore think that all the hand me downs from friends, trading in 2nd hand shops and pages for baby gear is AWESOME! As I was sorting and folding the clothes into the dresser, I noticed that we are bit short on pajamas and socks.  Also, we had zero clothes with newborn size. It will be short period from clothing perspective Yet since one never knows for sure what the size of the baby is, does not hurt to have few pieces available.

I browsed on few days the Facebook group for Houston baby and kids resale. So it happened, that someone was selling a whole pile of baby boy clothes, including few sets of newborn size and even a Moby baby wrap and some nursing pads. I could have bought 3 new pajamas for the price I paid for the whole lot! The seller sent everything via post and clothes are in good condition. They can easily take on few more rounds. Some of the smaller sizes look like they were never even worn.

So, nesting is in full mode and am so happy now to able to be on my feet and move around. My husband won't let me go for walks or to run errands by myself, which I won't complain about at all. Situation may change so fast and the pre labor symptoms kick in, it is good to have someone close by.

We have done this week few 5 k walks. Well, my walking is more waddling nowadays but for a very pregnant woman, who has been in bed/couch rest, not in bad condition at all.

During my bed/couch rest we have been so lucky. My husband's work has been mainly home office based work during that time. He had only one trip during the time. Even though he is then mostly in the office room, behind closed door. It has felt so great to have him close by, in case things start happening.

While waiting for him to finish the week, I baked him a strawberry-rhubarb streusel. One of his favorite type of desserts. Small gesture to show how thankful I am for him having taken such a good care of me the past few months. Very blessed to have such a great partner, friend and team member to go through this with me. When one has the significant other and good friends to share the curves of the life's journey with, things go so much smoother.

Wk 34 - Passport to freedom

Last week I had regular doctor's check and it was happy one!
Apart from getting the knowledge that our little boy keeps growing well (5 lb 13 oz / 2.6 kg) and strong vitals, I got clearance to get on my feet and take on modest activities. As well as swim. Joy, oh joy!!!

I got so excited! I have done walks, minor pregnancy related exercises and taken on the normal cleaning the house and doing some of the cooking. Of course listening to my body at the same. The combination of the growing Sisu and very minimal cervix support does set certain limits.

But in general it just feels good to be able to get out for a walk or join my husband to grocery store. Yes, I am excited to get to go to grocery store!

For the weekend we left Houston city and went to see family in Galveston. To get out of the house for 2 days after 10 weeks of bed/couch rest was like visiting Disney World. Lovely weekend!
Time spent with family, in the lazy river, at the beach...*happy sigh*.

My bro (brother-in-law) was also up for the fun task; take some pregnancy photos. He is excellent photograph, even though it is just his hobby, I think he should make it a part time job :) I have a whole lot of catching up to do with my hobby photo-shooting. I had already given up on the thought of getting any pregnancy pics...cause going to a stranger and paying heaps for it does not fit my logic. But having the session with someone we know makes it a fun adventure for all. We got lot of great pictures too! Galveston beach is perfect place for photo-shooting. Especially at the time when the sun starts to set.

Now my husband gets to practice babysitting by watching after me....as he and I have slightly different view on what is within the "allowed activities" and what is not ;) He is too good in looking after me and Sisu, could not ask for more.

Wk 33 - Learning a lot about the little fellow already

Mondays have gotten a totally different meaning nowadays. Monday is always the cut off to a new pregnancy week in my case, thus a very positive day. One week further again, hurray!

On Sunday, which closed the wk 32, was a happy day.
My husband got me a nice picture with the text: "You are my sunshine". It made me happy. There are rare moments when I momentarily feel that me and the Kugel / Kuula (Canon ball) are kind of full maintenance, since I cannot do anything useful around the house. It was so nice and uplifting to get the confirmation that we as a team are doing fine and my positive spirit shows.

We felt like celebrating on Sunday evening reaching one of the milestones: getting beyond the worst risk zone. In our case this meant eating air popped popcorns (no salt, nor butter) and slice of carrot cake. Wuhhuuu! I do not eat much of sweet stuff anyway but have cut it to nearly non-existence during the pregnancy. Eating the slice of a carrot cake was funny experience. It was awesome but it also felt like more than plenty. I could feel that my body was momentarily confused about what was going on :) All that fun was accompanied by Madagascar 2 movie. In other words a perfect celebration evening!

I cannot wait to have Sisu in the age, where we can watch cartoon movies together. I just love cartoon movies and family movies. I still recall one of my god-daughters once looking at my DVD shelf (before I gave most of them away when moving to US) and asking:"Aunt-Inna, why are you having so many kids movies but you do not have any kids?" I tried to answer her first like a normal adult would:"So that you would have plenty to watch when ever you are here." But kids know when you are trying to bluff...she looked at me with her eye brows shrunk. The facial expression that has the stamp all over:"Not buying any of that!" I gave in and admitted that I just simply love watching cartoon movies. After which we sat together, in our home made movie theater, watching one of the movies and had so much fun :) My nephews have learned it fast too that I like watching what they watch. Which sometimes means...watching the Cars movie 5 times :)

The past days and nights I have learned to tell bit more the different movements that Sisu has. As I have shared before, he is a very active little guy. I have been able to learn by observing the different pattern and strength of his movements between when he is active, sleeping or even crying.

Yes, crying is not something they learn from the spot when they are born and do the trick like masters from first attempt. Research shows that from wk 28 onwards babies express their displeasure while crying in the womb. Since there is none or very little air bubbles there, it more like a silent cry.

But I was able to tell one night our little guy not being very happy, he was kicking and boxing, strong punches, with all 4 at fast speed. He woke me up with that.
Not sure if it was all the refried beans that my husband has cooked, which may have, apart from making him displeased, but also provided some air bubbles to the womb as well. LOL! As in the silence of the night I could hear few very faint wailing sounds coming from....inside of me (no, it was not intestant grumbling).
More like the sounds that dolphins make to each other when they are under water.

I followed my instinct and started talking with a calm voice, also rubbing the spots, where I felt his feet kicking. Few moments later he calmed down and I could feel that his movements changed to the ones he has, when he sleeps.
At that moment I wish I could have woken up my husband but did not dare. I was smiling this huge smile in the darkness of our bedroom. Before our little boy has been even born, I was able to calm him down. I was able to communicate to him in a way, which helped him to go back to sleep. No words can describe the happiness cloud that I was sailing in for a while, until I too fell asleep.

When Sisu sleeps the movements are more gentle. More like a little the cute dog puppies when they are twitching during their sleep. Very gentle, short and small movements.

Most of the nights Sisu lets me sleep and he seems to sleep most of the night too. In the morning he usually makes sure that I get my internal alarm as per the routine schedule, at 8 am. If I am not up by then, little boxing and kicking starts. No matter which day of the week it is.
Some mornings I am able to negotiate with him that we will stay in bed bit longer :)

During most days he has his exercise routines, which include aqua yoga, aqua stretching, boxing and dancing. Some days it feels like he is renovating more space in his belly apartment, as the bouncing around looks more like something is gonna come through the belly soon. Sisu seems to really like it when me or my husband stroke the spot, where we can feel his foot stretched. So, he is getting pampered already with a baby massage :) :)

There have been only few nights, when he has been dancing the night away and not giving me the internal alarm in the morning.
It seems that both of us are sensitive to the full moon :) Last night I was awake and Sisu was having a full moon party to celebrate the super moon. Same thing happened with last full moon. I take it positively though. Being sensitive to the moon cycle means that one has the bond to the nature and its energies, which to me has always been an important connection to have in life.

Talking about the nature....
As the Halloween and autumn time is approaching; from me and Sisu in the Kugel/Kuula - wishing you an autumn and Halloween filled with joy!

Baby jacket - Another knitting project for cooler days

I found this lovely model of baby jacket, which matches the style of the train socks and mitten.

It was really easy to knit, even though I was not familiar from before to knit following English or Spanish instructions. Learned lot of new useful vocabulary and the pictures in the instruction in Spanish help to get an understanding of how the jacket starts shaping its form.

I got the same yarn left also in grey and I might just do another one in different size or striped one, once I am done with the socks and mitten.

Link to the free patterns:
Original model pattern: LINK
Modernized version in Spanish with detailed instructions: LINK

Wk 30 - Major milestone reached

Thank you cousin Jane for the lovely picture!

Getting towards the end of the pregnancy week 30 has felt special, I must admit. Not that anything special as such would have happened this week. After all my life right now limits itself to the couch and bed :) Just the simple fact that little Sisu is furthermore still inside the belly and doing really well.
That gives a reason to my joy and reason to breathe. We, my husband, little Sisu and myself as the team, have beaten all the odds already and come a long way!

6 weeks ago during my quick hospital stop due to cervix which has pretty much vanished to the minimum existence and very early contractions everyone around me talked about days. How each day extra would be welcomed. Now we are whole 6 weeks further!

To reach the medical full term minimum limit we have 7 more weeks to go and 10 weeks to the medical full term. The medical full term calculation is based on the so called Naegele's rule from the 1800. Named after the German obstetrician Franz Karl Naegele. In reality recent year researches have shown though that natural gestation time is 41 weeks and 1/3. As we all know though, each baby is an individual and do not develop by the book, nor clock, exactly all in the same schedule.

One more thing that has caused me joy this week is little Sisu starting to do more and more what I call "alien belly dance" or "water aerobics". Means him stretching or moving in the manner that I can see his moves, as he stretches the skin. His one room accommodation is apparently starting to become smaller and smaller for him. Another option is that he is already practicing hard to get to join his mummi's water aerobic class.

Who would have known that I could get so totally crazy about the huge belly, which I now have?!
My younger nephew has formed it in his head that little Sisu is the belly. He keeps asking me to show "little Sisu", when means that he wants to see what size the belly is. Most recent estimate he made was little Sisu apparently getting closer to the magical border of the Estonian water melon :) (he saw some BIG water melons during the summer vacation in Estonia).
I call my belly jokingly "Kugel" (German) or "Kuula" (Finnish), i.e. ball. But the original words do not mean just a normal ball, more like canon ball :)  As that is what it feels like; stone hard Kugel.

One step more ready - Baby items organized

My American mom cleared her calendar and came to "mother-sit" me while my husband had to go for a quick trip to London.

I so enjoyed her company and with her help we got some order to all the baby items, we already have. After the move most of those things have just waited in boxes...for that one fine day.

We have been lucky to get most of the things either as 2nd hand
through friends, from Craig's list or from our family & friends at our Baby shower. As long as everything is stacked and packed though, it is tough to form a concrete picture of the areas, which are well taken care of and areas, where we still need to purchase something.

I have come to the conclusion that most items you can really get here as 2nd hand. If one does not happen to have friends, who might be interested to recycle further their baby clothes / items, which are not needed anymore, there are good bunch of other options.

In Houston area our go-to places have been:
Craig's List - we found here infant car seat, exact brand & color we were after
Goodwill - depends bit on the luck what one may find here
Facebook groups for baby clothes & gear exchange for Houston area (several groups exist)
Once Upon a Child - still need to send my husband to check this place out but have heard lot of positive about the items condition, selection and quality

One funny outcome of the sorting project resulted to....we have enough shirts and all...but did not really have any warmer clothing. I had to laugh that 1.5 years in Houston's heat and even I have totally overlooked the fact that November, when Little-Sisu is due, is typically bit cooler month. It is not cool as in Finland-cool :) Daily high drop from +25 C / 76 F to +19 C / 66 F (Finnish summer day) but night temperatures / daily lows may vary between +12 C / 53 F and +7 C / 45 F. Means that one needs to be prepared to dress up additional layer to the little mustard machine (Finnish commonly used nickname to baby, especially baby boy).

The happy mummi-to-be (mummi = grandma) took care of some of the warmer hoodies and onesies during her shopping trip. I took from that the inspiration to start knitting a pullover.

Even though I was not able to participate much in organizing the clothes and things, am so grateful that with the excellent help of my "mother-sitter" all the clothes are washed and all things sorted out. Allows me focus furthermore in keeping the little guy in the belly, as long as possible :)

Overall can say that we are pretty well covered, mainly thanks to all the items & clothes we were able to get or buy from our friends. Baby shower helped a whole lot as well to get the "must buy" list much shorter. More about my first Baby shower experience here: LINK.

Baby Björn and Haul'a Baby 4-in-1 baby carrier

Boppy Nursing Pillow

Ready for our Mustard Machine and bath time fun