Positive side effects of bed/couch rest - Mental growth & relationship development

Who would have thought that so much good can come out of what my doctor calls "torturing" i.e. spending weeks in bed/couch rest? Initially I did not realize how positive this whole experience can be.

The most simple side effect is what has been the most difficult one for me to achieve in the past years....letting go of being in charge and allowing myself to need anyone.
The is positive side of being very independent but in a relationship it can also cause challenges. Moving to US was first good step in the development. I was in a completely new and strange environment. I allowed myself to need my husband to help me to get settled. He did such an excellent job in it and continues doing that every time something new comes my way (dealing with taxes, health insurance, etc.).

Now I have taken the second, even bigger step. Since I cannot do anything much, I had to let go and allow my husband to take over running the household. After first few days I realized how positive this change was to our relationship! We both were thrown outside of our comfort zone, yet had to work as a team. My role was to allow my husband to do things in his way and stay out of "his kitchen" (as it is called nowadays) and his role was to take on everything to keep things rolling.

I used to hear from him the statements that he does not cook, nor does he like doing laundry or grocery shopping. What I have noticed while observing...he is an EXCELLENT cook! He cooks some Finnish dishes better than I do, he spices them up nicely. He is amazingly reliable grocery shopper, event without a list he knows to bring the right items. He seems rather content too :)

My husband has, due to his own positive experience in all this, helped me also to get away from feeling guilty about not being able to do anything. Every time I have tried to offer help or trying to sneak to the kitchen help, I get a loving but firm command:" Couch, now." or "Yes, you can help by going to the couch and keep me company or just look pretty."

Goes without saying how happy and proud I am of him, not to mention so very grateful. I would even date to say that our relationship has changed positively, we have strengthened the bond between each other. We have been a great team since day one but we are now even a stronger team together.

I am extremely happy and at ease, as I know that after Sisu is on this side of the belly, we can really operate as a strong team to tackle the daily life together. This time has been good practice for what's to come. Thanks to this experience we trust each other more in allowing both the space & style each of us does things but also trust each other more in daring to ask for help and allowing to be helped.

One day on the couch gave me the idea of wanting to take this time as self development as well, prepare myself for what is to come.
I have done that in few different ways; I purchased a package of sessions with an energy coach / spiritual life coach. We do the sessions via Skype, which is great, as my mobility limitation plays no role that way. In addition I have knowingly worked on my own and taken a deeper look inside of me, to the person I am, as well as what kind of person I want to be and what are the changes coming ahead, how do I want to deal with those, etc.  On top of that I have read about practical, psychological and spiritual sides of caring for the baby & parenting.

My coach has helped me to get simple tools to allow the warrior in me to get a calmer state. Especially during night time. I have been able to sleep better the past few weeks than I have in months...despite being pregnant at this stage. Either Sisu is more gentle during the night or sleeping mainly too...but apart from few nights, I have not woken up to him kicking. Other things we have worked on is to prepare for the birth and bonding with the baby.

I am talking to the baby every day and he is coming to my dreams on some nights. One night the following experience gave me goose bumps; I was deep in the dream and heard child voice shouting loud in Finnish: ÄITI!!! ÄITI!!! ÄITI!!! (MOM!!! MOM!!! MOM!!!) I woke up to that and first wondered what was wrong, I was worried. Second later I realized that I had been sleeping deep and sound on my back. That is at this stage of pregnancy a big no-no because of weakening the blood supply to the baby.

I have not been nervous about giving birth too much before but now I am even less. I don't know why...but I am actually looking forward to the experience when the time comes.
In my view I get to be the tool to add life to this side of the curtain. After having had to allow people I love to move to the next room, behind the curtain...it fills me with positive emotion finally to be able to help to create a positive balance for a change. Help our little boy to be born and help his soul to jump to the carousel of life. For a moment I get to be tightly connected to the universe.

My coach gave the nice idea to think about the birth as a family adventure or day in the amusement park. The roller coaster and the all the crazy rides, which make one feel the sensations...sometimes not far from the pelvic pressure and the rest.
My husband loves amusement parks as well. We have been taking some of the most fun rides together. So, we talked that this experience will serve well to that list....adventure ride for 3 of us together.

Remains to be seen how this chess game of the universe plays out and whether my moves help to prolong the game till full time :)

Music to the belly - Belly Buds

Roughly around the same time as the mother starts feeling the kicks of the baby, his hearing develops.
Latest studies show that from that point onwards the baby starts to form the foundation to language.
Which is lot earlier than the studies before have predicted.

Apart from high interest to languages, I love music and come from a family, where we had even a separate music room. TV did not play as big role in my childhood home (with initially all the 3 channels we had) as music and the music room did.
My childhood house growing up had initially been a duplex, but when we moved in, it saw its transformation to a family house. The 2nd living room became a music room.

My mom's motto was: "There has to be music for every mood."
That motto was reflected in the big shelf full of LPs and the stereo, which were clearly the focus of the room. Otherwise the room was full of space to dance and then 2 "Fatboy" like huge cushions on the floor, which my mom had made by herself. I have lot more fun childhood memories from the music room than e.g. living room.

My mother taught me dancing in that room and we shared many bonding moments there while dancing, singing and laughing. She taught me to dance with my eyes closed. She encouraged me to let my soul sense the music. I remember seeing the music as variety of colors moving, when I closed my eyes and with her guidance I learned to dance to it.

Though my mother is not with us anymore on this side of the curtain, thanks to her approach teaching me to feel music, music has always played a role in my life. I have always had endless appetite to explore various genres & artists, in various languages. My first god-daughter and eldest nephew learned even to dance before learning to walk...because their music freak aunt taught them :) My nephew got 7 am disco lessons  before I dropped him off to day care, when I was helping out with daily logistics during some weeks when he was little.

When knowing about my pregnancy I started reading about studies on how music played during the pregnancy has a positive impact to the baby. Friend of mine in NYC recommended to get Belly Buds. She had enjoyed those during her pregnancy.

So, I got the deluxe version (dual cable, allows me to listen the music together with the baby) as the birthday present to myself on behalf of my husband and myself :) :)
I can only warmly recommend getting those. I have enjoyed jamming with the little guy so much. It is nice to feel each time that he reacts to music. The Belly Buds come with Pre birth and Post birth volume control, making sure that volume level does not go over the "healthy" level.

The recommendation (which in US is followed rather strictly) is after certain week always checking that latest at bed time one should feel at least 10 baby movements in one hour, aka kick count. There are all these tricks of drinking (sweet) juice or really icy cold beverage to get the baby moving, if he is otherwise lazy to move. Funny enough for our little guy those tricks have not worked so well but when he hears music...the jamming starts immediately :)

I have played variety music and made sure he gets to hear already, apart from English, also Finnish, Swedish, German, French and Spanish music.
Sibelius' Finlandia hymn is of course on the playlist too :)

Some interesting studies related to the topic:
https://auditoryneuroscience.com/topics/sounds-heard-unborn-babies-utero

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1501264/Dolphin-sounds-aid-brain-growth-in-unborn-child.html

http://www.webmd.com/baby/news/20130102/babies-learn-womb

Book reference: This is your brain on Music - Daniel Levitin