Personal lessons learned from this pregnancy

As the body has slowly started to show subtle signs of preparing for the delivery, I wanted to take the time and cherish the journey so far.

One of my favorite motto, which I have taken from my brother:" What does not kill you only makes you stronger". I am aware to be "exceptionally strong person" (as my husband describes me) thanks to all the challenges in life and how they have shaped me. Yet, the whole getting pregnant, miscarriage and going through the pregnancy has made me stronger in a different way. It has opened also whole new aspects of life to me and it has changed me.

Going through miscarriage and getting back on one's feet after that, is an experience that made me and my husband bond on a whole new level. I know now that because of that experience we will be a better team as a couple and as parents going forward.

The whole pregnancy experience so far has also helped to me to start realizing how my "project plans" or our plans are not necessarily schedule wise in sync with the time table which the universe & mother nature have for us. It has made me to humbly accept that having control over life is a pure illusion, which one tends to lull in until the greater powers remind one of the reality. I have not only gotten to understand but to feel the old wisdom (loosely translated from Finnish):" Things will fall into the their places when the time is right for that."

I have always tried to settle the accounts with my life events in the way of not having regrets afterwards, no matter what has happened. Taking full responsibility of my doings but at the same not being afraid to live. Something I learned from my mother. I have been through lot of "scheiski" and challenges in life. Yet, today I stand even more behind it than before: I would not change a thing, not even the miscarriage.
I now understand that each one of those events and getting through them has prepared me well to take on motherhood. With a calm mind and heart full of love I am ready for the journey as a mother.

It made me happy that at all times during the pregnancy, despite all the bumps on the road, I found the strength in me to get myself up, make the best out of the situation. I managed to stay positive and move on...instead of dwelling in "why me?", letting gloom & doom take me over. It reminded me also what an amazing amount of strength one has within, if one chooses to take it on. Nobody ever said life would be easy but it is definitely worth living and making best of every moment.

Easier path would have naturally been (quoting one of my best friends): to throw oneself to the floor and have a temper tantrum or vanish into the dark corners feel sorry for myself and complain how shitty the it all has been. I chose not to take that path. I believe that everything happens for a reason but it is in our hands if we ever find the reason and make the best of the event or moment, which one is going through.

I learned a lot from this, as did my husband. He grew during this journey so much as well. He made also the transformation from career focused person to a father-to-be and to a great caretaker. He stepped up to take on everything from cooking to running the household. Kitchen became suddenly "his kitchen" and I was not allowed in it (I am writing this with a loving smile on my face). We grew a lot as a couple too. We have a high respect to each other and we know that we really are a team...us against the rest of the world.

From one day to another my life changed from very independent, exercise filled and career focused perfectionist's life to....couch & bed rest for 10 weeks. Yep, perfect recipe to get totally depressed and feel unimportant, insignificant, imprisoned, etc. Except, if one chooses not to ;)

During the couch & bed rest time I was able to clear my mind of heart, charge myself with the positive energy to find the reason. I understood that only this way I was able to transform myself from the career focused perfectionist to one, that is happy to take on the life time role as a mother and feels very ready for it. I was able to shift focus and change priorities in a pleasant time frame.  Perfectionism took a step back and I learned that I was again able to settle the account of my life events and be happy, thankful and proud of my journey so far. At the same time happily letting go of few strings, and not feel loss or regret of doing so.

I did not get the pregnancy I had dreamed about but I got to go through the pregnancy I needed.
I learned to be humble and thankful for even becoming pregnant. I was able to open my heart and mind to the spiritual side of pregnancy, cherishing the bonding with Sisu a lot already during the pregnancy. I am happy to have been able to carry him this far against all odds. I am also thankful that he has not given up on me or on us. This pregnancy offered few of those occasions, where it was not self explanatory that all will go well till the end.

I have been a rascal, a Tom-boy, taking risks and lived the life to the full. Especially during my adult life going from one adventure to another. Yet this pregnancy has been by far the best experience and adventure in life I have had. At the same I know that this is just a start to the parenthood and all the adventures that come with that.

I am also with a calm mind about the fact that I will not be a perfect mother and will make many mistakes. Yet I feel as ready as one only can be. With the way me and my husband take on the parenthood will most likely raise eyebrows or trigger people to offer advice to us, which we choose to ignore. Thanks to this journey I can only smile and say:" You bow to one direction, at the same you show your behind to the other."
That is pretty much what parenthood will be. Which is why I am so happy to have had the chance to go through my personal transformation and feel confident about myself as a mother, including all the mistakes I will be making. As long as the most important puzzle piece is in place, unconditional love and wanting to do the right thing, everything else will be fine.

I am thankful that Sisu chose us to be his parents.
Though me and my husband laugh that we do hope Sisu knew what kind of crazy parents he chose :)

Very much looking forward to the adventures ahead and at the same enjoying as much as I can right here and right now. I will miss my lovely bump :)